These are actual excuse notes from parents (including original spelling) collected by Nisheeth Parekh, University of Texas Medical Branch Galveston...

My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diahre dyrea direathe the shits.

Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.